I’m done going to cinema

Over the years, my interest for movies has grown exponentially, and surprisingly, my go-to-the-movies rate has lowered by an enormous percentage. I’ve often asked myself why it was that way, and I think yesterday, I finally got my answer.

Before I get into the events of yesterday, let me start off by saying that I’ve become more and more intolerant to movie translations, and we now rarely get original english (or whatever language) versions of movies in Quebec, which is a shame. Since the first time I witnessed how amazing an actor could be in a role when his voice was not retardly dubbed by a French-from-France voiceover, it became hard for me to watch another translation. This would of course be one of the main factors I’m not really motivated to go to the movies anymore.

But then, there was yesterday. I don’t know if it’s me who’s getting older and less patient or if every major asshole in town was out to see the same movie as I did, but everything going on in the cinema, except for the movie, was getting on my nerves, BIG TIME !

I’ve always been annoyed by people talking during a movie, and frankly, I still don’t understand why people do it. You pay 12 bucks (make that 48 if you’re a family of four) to see a movie. Why not stay quiet and enjoy the quality picture and immersive sound that the movie offers you ? Well I guess this is definitely not a concept everyone understands. During the last few movies I saw in the last year, this bizarre phenomenon was rare, if not absent, which pleased me immensely.

Yesterday though, there clearly was an epidemic of the talking disease in the room, and some severe cases were in attendance. The movie didn’t help though. Long scenes without music or dialogue were frequent, which amplified the retarded comments of the multiple douchebags present at the screening. On top of that, next to me, I had Mister and Miss affection, an ugly couple who were hugging the hell out of each other non-stop, while both having the worst case of influenza in recent years. They were literally coughing their lungs out every 30-to-45 seconds. If you’re this sick, people, you’re probably not healthy enough to be somewhere public. Why not wait a week and not annoy the shit out of everybody in the room ? I guess this is another concept hard to get.

Following that, there is always the location factor. As cinema screens get larger and larger, it seems that good seats become a rare thing. If you’re not sitting somewhere in the top five rows, or if you’re not dead-center anywhere else, the perspective always kills the picture. I was sitting in the middle rows, but at the right-end of a row, and I seemed to miss many details in the image.

Then there were the various noises typical to the cinema. We had the popcorn-bag concerto being played by the largest orchestra ever, combined with Beethoven’s unreleased masterpiece, the empty-soft-drink symphony, which made an extremely irritating “sluuuuuurrrpppp” noise. Mix that with multiple text-message ringtones, people leaving to and coming back from the restrooms, and of course, the insane amount of ignorant bastards who were repeatedly asking their neighbor “what did he just say ?” and you’re in for the longest two hours of your life.

Let’s get back to “those” people. The movie I saw yesterday involved some pretty intense scenes. How is it possible that during a rape sequence, I get all tense and uncomfortable, and behind me, two clowns are able to laugh and say comments out loud ? I just don’t get it. If you don’t like the movie or if you’re simply not watching it, then why don’t you get the fuck out ? There are hundreds of people around you who paid to attend an experience unique to a cinema, and you’re enough of a selfish scumbag not to realize that ?

I may have been a bit harsh with my title. I don’t think that was the last time I entered a cinema, but I think my living room will become more and more my private theater, where I can enjoy movies with who I want, the noises I want, and of course, while always having the best seats in the house. To “those” people who I’ve been ranting about, please, stay home too. You’re killing the experience that talented filmmakers work hard to give to the audience, and that’s what drives me crazy. Cinema is a great democratic art that everyone can enjoy, but that doesn’t give the right to any classless idiot to act publicly the same way he would in his living room. Once again, to “those” people, STAY HOME! End of rant.

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4 responses to “I’m done going to cinema

  1. very good read, didn’t knew you could write in english this good? where did u learn?

  2. J’approuve totalement ton point de vue…

  3. i hear you, loud and clear…and agree 100%. i very rarely see films in theaters, unless it’s an invite-only screening…

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